Little Steaky
Hey, some time ago, you were really happy about the fact that you managed to gain fat because reasons. How is said fat doing? Is it still present?
Anonymous

My weight tends to fluctuate between 115-130 pounds all the damn time. I’ve lost a little weight since then but I know I’ll gain it back. I have a bad habit of binge-eating when I’m unhappy. But when I feel okay I hardly eat at all. 

I was happy to have gained weight because it was at a period in my life where I didn’t have a fucking dime, and at the end of the month when my food benefits ran out I’d just have to go hungry. Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore, and if that means having a couple extra fat rolls, I’ll take that over hunger pains any day.

This big greasy tweeker chick tried to hand my coworker a super nasty, greasy $100 bill. If our safe can’t accept the bill, we can’t either, so he had to refuse it. So she does what any mature adult would do and kicks our fucking door. 

We caught her on camera and the police are investigating. I swear to christ our customers are tearing this store apart. First someone drives away with the gas nozzle still in their vehicle and rips off the hose, then someone breaks our microwave, then someone rips the thermostat off the wall and smashes it…Yeah, be respectful to customer service people. We deal with a LOT of shit.

Concepts of the two main character from Princesa and the Stickman.
Yeah, this is the same Clara from Blue Valley Underground, because I’m a lazy bastard who recycles characters and calls it a “cameo”. I just really ended up getting attached to her in BVU and wanted to do more with her, so she’s been transplanted into this story. Completely different universe from BVU though.
The story starts mostly from Sergio’s perspective since Clara is a young child in the beginning and doesn’t have much history to her. However as she grows older it shifts more into her perspective. I didn’t want one of them to steal the spotlight, and instead have them be equally main characters.
Growing up in the apocalyptic world, Clara doesn’t get proper nutrition and is abnormally short and thin for her age. Sergio is also rather thin, but also stupidly tall like a goddamn giraffe. He’s carrying his hunting rifle here, which has a broken scope because he’s a big clumsy-ass.
The story mostly takes place in a fictional town on the border between Oregon and California, so the weather shifts from cold to hot pretty drastically and their clothing changes accordingly. Sergio always keeps his hat on no matter the weather though.
Sergio is a grumpy old immigrant from Spain. Clara’s grandparents are from Mexico, and Sergio is very disappointed that she doesn’t speak Spanish. He’s a quick-witted survivalist who does whatever it takes to get by on his own, while Clara is more prone to laziness and dependency. Both of them have pretty shitty social skills.
Can’t say much more without spoiling the story. Maybe I’ll post the first chapter tomorrow.

Concepts of the two main character from Princesa and the Stickman.

Yeah, this is the same Clara from Blue Valley Underground, because I’m a lazy bastard who recycles characters and calls it a “cameo”. I just really ended up getting attached to her in BVU and wanted to do more with her, so she’s been transplanted into this story. Completely different universe from BVU though.

The story starts mostly from Sergio’s perspective since Clara is a young child in the beginning and doesn’t have much history to her. However as she grows older it shifts more into her perspective. I didn’t want one of them to steal the spotlight, and instead have them be equally main characters.

Growing up in the apocalyptic world, Clara doesn’t get proper nutrition and is abnormally short and thin for her age. Sergio is also rather thin, but also stupidly tall like a goddamn giraffe. He’s carrying his hunting rifle here, which has a broken scope because he’s a big clumsy-ass.

The story mostly takes place in a fictional town on the border between Oregon and California, so the weather shifts from cold to hot pretty drastically and their clothing changes accordingly. Sergio always keeps his hat on no matter the weather though.

Sergio is a grumpy old immigrant from Spain. Clara’s grandparents are from Mexico, and Sergio is very disappointed that she doesn’t speak Spanish. He’s a quick-witted survivalist who does whatever it takes to get by on his own, while Clara is more prone to laziness and dependency. Both of them have pretty shitty social skills.

Can’t say much more without spoiling the story. Maybe I’ll post the first chapter tomorrow.

Princesa and Stickman - A Story Like Many Others

So I’ve been trying to write this fucking story since 2009-ish. Originally it was a comedy about a sketchy guy accidentally adopting an orphan boy and using his teddy bear to do drug runs.

Over the years, the story, setting and characters changed drastically, but the main idea stayed the same: Sketchy person and adorable child having ridiculous adventures.

I lost interest in the story after a million failed drafts and said FUCK IT THIS IDEA IS SO STUPID.

And then after the True Grit remake, it seemed like a “Older dude and little girl make a great team” fad started. The Walking Dead game, The Last of Us, Bioshock Infinite, etc. all came out around the same time and were huge successes.

So now I’m like “maybe this isn’t as dumb as I thought???” and started writing up new drafts a couple months ago. Now I’ve got the story figured out and I’ve started writing the final draft. The story wasn’t originally post-apocalyptic, but I’m so inspired by the Walking Dead game and The Last of Us, I’m just going to do the same goddamn thing because it’s more fun to write characters in that kind of world anyway.

Except my story doesn’t have zombies. A plague wipes out most of Earth’s population and it’s just about the aftermath of the collapsing infrastructure. I consider it dramatic-horror-comedy.

Plot: A half-decade after the world is left devastated by a deadly plague, Sergio is still alone, living in a van in the middle of the woods. When an orphaned girl shows up at his camp, must fight through the apocalyptic wasteland and in search someone responsible enough to care for her. Finding loving parents in a desperate world of bandits and scavengers proves as difficult as it sounds.

Would anyone give a shit about this? It isn’t meant to be professionally-written or anything, it’s just a stupid novel I’ll put up online maybe sometime soon so people can beta it if they feel inclined. If you enjoyed The Walking Dead Game and The Last of Us, you may or may not enjoy this pile of brainpoop.

tf2crap:

Imagine the game “Bop it” but with Scout’s voice instead.

Skyler and I can fit into one t-shirt!

We couldn’t stand up because he’s a foot taller than me lel

A DUDE WITH A GUN JUST ROBBED THE PLACE I USED TO WORK HOLY SHIT

Proof

I was so upset when I was laid off there, but now I’m kinda glad because I would have been traumatized.

No Fairy Tale Rejects this week because I fucked up my wrist super bad at work while trying to move a stone trash bin that was clearly too fucking heavy for me. Hurts like a sonofabitch. 

EM!

doclithius said: I’d personally see it as an accomplishment. This was the VERY FIRST TIME you’ve ever been too sick to work! Lex, you are a MACHINE! It’s a MIRACLE this is only the first time!

Dude I’m a total pussy. My grandma is 86 years old and currently works 3 jobs. She’s been working since she was 14. She has NEVER, not even ONCE in all those decades called in except when she was in labor. One of her bosses once told me he tried to send her home when she had the stomach flu and she wouldn’t go.

My grandma is way more badass than I’ll ever be. I always wanted to grow up and be as tough as her. I FAILED.

Yesterday was the first day in my entire life that I have ever left work early due to sickness. 10 years of working, and that was the first time ever.

I was so dizzy, I was actually blacking out at the register. Felt really nauseous and had a migraine so painful, it was making me cry and I couldn’t open my fucking eyes. 

My period also started that day.

So whoever says menstrual symptoms aren’t a big deal and women need to just “get over it” can shove a cactus up their ass and “get over it”.

"¿Habla usted español?"

Me: um dorito???

YES me too, the only time I'm inspired and up for writing is when it's completely impossible. And when I have time... nope, nothing. I swear my brain is sabotaging me on purpose, it tends to be a little shit that way.
Anonymous

Brain: Looks like you have to be at work in an hour…By the way, here’s all the inspiration you’ve been waiting for for the last year. Have fun NOT WRITING, CHUMP!

I don’t always feel inspired to write a story

but when I do, it’s always on the first day of a long work week where I won’t have any time to write